Before the Dawn
by Maddy02
Summary: After Halloween comes All Saints day... You just... have to make it through the night first. [Halloween fic, oneshot, slight AZ]


Guilt, fear, desperation, sadness, loss… nothingness. All of these were heralded by the approaching dark. With night came sleep and with sleep came dreams, dreams that got worse each year as more horrific experiences were realised, dreams which Amelia had no hope of avoiding and no want to remember.

They always came at this time of year. The first year they had all travelled together their adventure had been over by this time… the next had been during the Hellmaster incident, so whatever sleep she did get then was going to be plagued by nightmares anyway meaning the true cause was easy enough to disguise.

But now, on the way back to the barrier kingdoms after the defeat of Darkstar, it was getting harder to hide. The shadows under her eyes and the fear of darkness had begun to take hold over the past week… She had a fair mastery of make-up though and as long as she was happy and smiling under the noon-day sun her friends wouldn't suspect.

If she could just hold out a little longer… after tonight there was only one more and she would be free!

…for another year at least.

* * *

_Betrayal, an inferno… desperation, monsters, fear, Behind! To the left! All around! Escape! No Time! A scream of pain, though not her own, and then…_

Amelia sat up sharply with a gasp, breathing heavily, her heart fluttering madly against her ribcage. She forced herself to take several deep breaths to collect herself, then looked around the camp.

Lina, beside her showed no sign of movement aside from the occasional twitch that always occurred in her sleep. On the other side of the fire she could just make out Zel's form, chest rising and falling, presumably asleep also. Gourry was facing away from her as he sat by the fire on guard duty, but she could tell from his slumped position and occasional snore he was actually sleeping.

Something she wouldn't be able to do for the rest of the night now…

She sighed and shook her head to clear those thoughts away. If she even thought about sleep it would lead to the dreams… no, the memories.

"Mr Gourry?"

"Hmwa… _my_ chicken…"

"Mr Gourry, wake up!"

"Ah! Wha? Oh, Amelia, my watch over?"

"Not quite, but I'm awake now anyway so you may as well sleep."

"Yeah, sounds good." The swordsman stood and stretched, yawning silently as he worked the kinks out of his neck. "Wasn't Zel on after me? I thought you had morning watch?"

Amelia just shrugged and sat down by the fire. He was right and she didn't want to explain it, but she couldn't bring herself to actually lie to him. Fortunately he was still tired enough to simply accept her silent answer and go back to his bedroll next to Lina. A few minutes later he was snoring happily again and Amelia turned her head skyward to watch the stars, humming lightly to herself to keep awake.

"Amelia?"

Uh-oh

Years of travelling had taught Zelgadiss to wake up when needed. His internal clock said it was time for his watch and judging by the moon he hadn't overslept so there wasn't any reason he could see for Amelia being on guard instead of Gourry. Unless, of course, something was wrong.

Then again with this group something was always wrong.

"Amelia, why are you up?"

"I… I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I took over Mr Gourry's watch." She explained "I've only just started so you don't have to get up, I'll wake Miss Lina when it's time." She added, seeing him start to get up. He wasn't deterred however and moved to sit next to her by the fire, shaking his head.

"I wouldn't be able to rest knowing I wasn't doing my turn, you may as well try to sleep again."

For a moment he could swear he saw something akin to horror flit across her face. But it was gone in an instant and she smiled although it looked a little strained… No, that wasn't right, this was Amelia! She was probably just tired.

"I guess so. Goodnight then Mr Zelgadiss."

'_Please'_ she begged the stars, the Gods above and below, and any departed spirits that would listen '_I've had that dream once tonight, not again. Please!'_

* * *

Apparently the Gods favoured Amelia that night as she slept peacefully. That is, until her watch came round and she was shaken awake roughly by Lina. As she watched the sun rise she almost wished she hadn't woken up to face the day, _this_ day. 

"_At least it's not raining_."

She actually managed to laugh at that thought. It had been raining _that_ day though… But at the very least the thought showed her no matter what she'd always be able to find something positive in a situation. It wasn't raining, and by previous experience, this would be the last day of the nightmares.

…of course, that also made it the worst.

She pushed that thought aside as her friends began to stir, Gourry first, who went into his usual morning routine of checking his sword and armour before helping her start breakfast while making small talk. Then Zelgadiss, who remained silent until he'd had his coffee, and even then kept his remarks short and to the point, unless explaining something to Gourry. Finally Lina, who awoke he moment breakfast was ready and seemed to move straight from 'asleep' to 'eating' with no intermediary steps. If it weren't for the fact one had to be awake to get food from Gourry Gabriev, Amelia might even think she was sleep-eating (and even then she wouldn't put it past the sorceress)

Amelia munched on her pancakes slowly, fully aware that every thirty seconds one would slip from her plate to Lina or Gourry's but not really caring. Instead she gazed off into the forest and began the process of clearing her mind, as she had been taught in the temples of Saillune. It was easier not to think of one thing in particular if you didn't think of anything at all, and so she pretended she was doing a locator or divining spell and cleared all her thoughts away along with her sense of time and what was happening around her.

So it came as a surprise when Lina's hand suddenly filled her vision waving back and forth.

"Heellllooo! Main base to Amelia!" She snapped her fingers several times "Do you receive? C'mon Amelia, go _away_ from the light."

Amelia blinked a few times to focus her eyes back to normal and bring her mind back to reality. Of course with reality came the reasons she wished to escape it in the first place but she ignored those naggings and instead faked a smile at Lina.

"Sorry, I was somewhere else... And you shouldn't interrupt people like that Miss Lina! It's rude!"

Lina only shrugged.

"It's not like you were about to figure out the meaning of life were you?"

"Well… no."

"Then it's not important, now come on! If we have to sleep out again tonight I'm going to make you pay for dinner for the rest of the trip!" And she meant it too.

"But-"

"No buts! Move, move, move!" Lina said pushing the younger girl in front of her along the path, before turning to the boys who were watching the scene with confusion and slight annoyance respectively "You two as well! Hurry up!"

Gourry moved quickly to catch up and walk along side Lina while Zel sighed and shouldered his pack, taking the rear position as he usually did.

As the day progressed he began to notice something amiss. It took him a while to figure out but eventually he realised –Amelia. She wasn't humming or skipping along, she wasn't chatting with Lina and Gourry, and she wasn't trying to talk to him. She just walked along, head down and shoulders sagging slightly. Not very Amelia-like at all.

His brow furrowed as he remembered his thoughts the previous night; no reason for her to be up unless something was wrong. That, along with the fleeting look of horror on her face when he'd suggested she sleep again, the way she'd zoned out this morning and her behaviour now suggested something really _was_ wrong.

But what?

* * *

Amelia sighed; by the looks of things she was going to be buying dinner for the rest of the trip. She was as unhappy about the sleeping arrangements as Lina was –at an inn she could have at least had her own room. Again she offered up prayers to anyone who would listen, let Gourry have first watch. He would be asleep by the time the nightmare came! 

No such luck. Even worse, it was Zelgadiss. No chance he wouldn't notice. Perhaps she could stay awake until it was Gourry's watch?

No joy there either, a day's walking and not enough sleep in the week before took their toll and darkness claimed her.

* * *

_Betrayal_

"_Fireball!"_

"_Fireball!"_

_She tried desperately to recall the spell, to swallow the words back up, but she couldn't, she could only watch the action from the prison within her own body. The inferno started to blaze and guilt hit her like a wave almost knocking her from her feet. It probably would have done had her father not been carrying her at that moment. Contrary to what he and Lina believed she had known exactly what she was doing when she countered Randy with the same spell._

'_Murderer'_

_The word rang though her soul followed by the high pitched laugh of Rezo –copy that is. She watched uselessly, unable to move her feet as Lina pushed Sylphiel aside and took the blast through her chest. Her eyes followed the sorceress as she flew backwards in slow-motion "Miss Lina!"_

_Time jumped and suddenly it wasn't Lina falling. Instead Alfred was the one being blasted away and she ran towards him to catch him._

"_Alfred! Alfred you promised! You were going to come to all the balls and chase away the suitors I didn't like! You promised when Sis left! Alfred don't you leave me too!"_

_She had almost reached him when she felt a sudden presence behind her. "Too late!" Gaav, she realised as she turned slowly –too slowly to defend, and closed her eyes to brace herself. Before she knew what happened something heavy collided with her and screamed in pain, then another collision that made her feel nauseous as something warm, wet and morbidly familiar trickled over her hands and she forced her eyes open _

"_Mr Zelgadiss? Mr Zelgadiss! Hang on!" _

_Even as she said it the scene changed to one almost exactly the same. Internally she shook her head and tried to close her eyes, to step away, but the dream pulled her closer to the figure. Ribbons of fair skin cut from her body, hair almost dyed red from the blood pooled around. Silence where there should have been a laugh, a chill where there should be a warm embrace against a beating heart. And then her eyes opened._

_Lifeless eyes, soulless eyes_

_Amelia screamed. _

* * *

The crackling of the logs on the fire was he'd heard for a half hour when Amelia first stirred in her sleep. Eager for anything to draw his attention from the monotony of guard duty Zel turned from the fire to watch her, then frowned at he look of fear on her face. 

"No… not my fault… Sylphiel… Lin…"

He moved closer, was she having a nightmare?

"Alfred… promised… sis left… …leave too!"

His heart sank; a nightmare indeed, and a particularly potent one it seemed. Zel knew a fair bit about nightmares, having experienced more than he cared to himself. No way was he going to let Amelia suffer through one if he could help it.

"Amelia, Amelia wake up" He spoke as softly and reassuringly as he could and put a hand on her shoulder to shake her awake if necessary. This soon became necessary as his touch seemed to have the opposite effect from calming her.

"Gaav! …. Mr Zelgadiss no! R-resurrecti…"

Hearing his own name as part or the nightmare threw him from the task at hand for a moment. Resurrection? She'd had to use _resurrection_ on him that time? He'd always assumed just a recovery… He shook the thought away quickly and continued to try and wake her

"No, not again… can't see… won't look…blood… no, no, no"

"Amelia, wake up! It's just a dream!"

Suddenly she sat bolt upright and screamed.

"MOTHER!"

Her shoulders shook and tears began to fall from her eyes as she stared blankly ahead, not even aware he was beside her

"Mother…" she repeated, her voice full of so much grief Zel almost couldn't believe it was Amelia. Without thinking he put his arms around her and drew her close, only then did she finally notice he was there and looked up with a gasp.

"Shh," he whispered "It's alright" She nodded slightly and buried her face in his chest to cry some more, but not before he saw the circles under her eyes and cursed himself for not noticing them sooner, she must've been having nightmares the past two days at least.

It should have occurred to him that he was the heartless sorcerer/swordsman and that he shouldn't care, but she let out another sob and instead he thanked Cephied Lina and Gourry had slept through it all. Eventually she quieted though her face remained buried against him, one hand clutching the fabric of his tunic.

"Are you alright?"

She shook her head. Stupid question.

"I… will be."

She looked up and smiled, a small smile, but a real one. Not a fake to cover her feelings or a strained smile like before.

"Thank you…"

He nodded and pulled her close again, resting his chin on her head as his eyes followed the moon while it traversed the sky.

"Anytime…"

Amelia didn't hear; she was sleeping again, peacefully. The demons had been driven away by a saint.

* * *

**A/N:** Happy Halloween and Happy All Saint's too! I'm very sorry if this seems ooc, but i rushed it somewhat, becauseI was working on the last chapter of Fond Farewells when this idea for a halloween fic came to me andI can't work on two stories at once properly so i had to post that one up first. Anyway,Amelia being angsty and Zel conforting? Well given the situation it dosn't seem too bad!To me at least. 

Incase you can't tell, the day mentioned in particular in the fic is the anniversary of Amelia's Mother's death -the day the nightmares all began for her, hence the time of year the nightmares return.

Hope ya like, and Happy Halloween!


End file.
